In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
