I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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