Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
