omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
