sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
