...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Found the puke drawer
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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