It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
