Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
