i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
