omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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