8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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