I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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