if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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