Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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