No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
