just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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