I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
