I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
