Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
