took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
