woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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