haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
