Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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