I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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