I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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