if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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