Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
