I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
