I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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