as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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