I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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