Have you finally orgasmed yet?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
