You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
