I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
