Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
