i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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