I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
