Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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