you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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