thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
