Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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