Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
