You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
