I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize