remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
