It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
