i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dicks are not precious.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
