I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
well you can't waste a boner
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
