We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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