Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
