The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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