I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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