strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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