Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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