im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were trust falling into bushes
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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