he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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