she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
