Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
