Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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