hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
