Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
