He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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