So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
