She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
