the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My balls are so social today.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
