Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
