apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
