the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
