He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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