i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
