im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
